Meeting resistance
Resistance.
Among other things, defined as:
The refusal to accept or comply with something.
The use of force or violence to oppose someone or something.
The impeding or stopping effect exerted by one material thing on another.
I’ve been aware of some resistance in my life lately. It’s all over the place. This tends to happen in waves with me when something unfolds or deepens in way of my own personal transformation. It’s uncomfortable, I don’t like it, and I wish it would go away so I can get on with it already. Which is hilarious, because that means I am resistant to feeling resistance. WHAT. Even the Borg know that resistance is futile! (That’s right, I can’t resist a Star Trek reference.) Insert slightly hysterical laughter here.
I’ve recently finished Dharma Ocean’s Meditating With The Body program. (It was amazing and you can learn more about it at https://www.dharmaocean.org/event/meditating-with-the-body/) At the end of the program, those of us who hadn’t had a previously taken advantage were given the option to request and subsequently take the Refuge vow.
Taking Refuge is a beautiful concept. It is a commitment, made to yourself, to meet your authentic spiritual experience as it unfolds in real time. It is an acknowledgement that we are, essentially, homeless, groundless and utterly alone in our deeply personal journey. It is a willingness to embrace our lives as they are- be it devastating or delicious. In addition, it sets the Buddha as example, the dharma (teachings) as guideposts to reality, and the sangha (community) as our companions and callers-out of our occasional- or not so occasional- bullshit. It is the lived opposite of resisting.
Reggie Ray, founder of Dharma Ocean, says “judgement is resistance”, and I can’t disagree. Whenever I see myself digging my heels in, there is always an underlying judgement I have about how things are or how I think they should/would be, and under that the ever present movement of fear. Working within the deeper unfoldings of my own tweaked nervous system has made it glaringly obvious what the Buddhists have known all along- there is only love and fear. We move from one or the other. The parasympathetic (rest and digest, I am safe, life is awesome!) or the sympathetic (flight/fight/freeze ohgodohgodwe’reallgonnadie).
“Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is... The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds. ” -Dan Millman
As someone once told me- if you argue with reality, you’re going to lose… but only 100% of the time.
The worst part about all this resistance is that we place it upon ourselves and cause a lot of unnecessary suffering. Luckily, that’s also the best part. If we are making things harder for ourselves, that means we can also make things easier. We can do the things that calm our system. For me, that means making sure I go to bed at a reasonable hour, meditate first thing when I get up, take a few baths during the week, and make sure I move my effing body. It also means that I spend time with people who can receive me how I am, whether that be friends, someone in my spiritual community, or a paid professional- of which I utilize several. I get curious. I ask for help. I am present for myself as I am present for others.
Most importantly, though, it means I make it a practice to meet myself with tenderness and trust for my process. Especially if I am feeling resistant. Only then can I explore what exactly is going on and start to truly soften it. The path is wildly different for each of us…and sweet friends, we don’t need to suffer as we do. We can meet it all, and if we are lucky, we can do it with a little grace.